Show face
by girlylittlecaroline
Summary: Jesse St.James was perfect. Everyone loved him. Everyone except for himself.


Jesse , the boy with the smile that cures cancer.

The boy who has a dying sister and a brother in a mental hospital all because of him, because of his atelophobia. The truth of the matter was whatever he touched crashed and burned, he was like Poison, and not the Alice Cooper version either. The type that looked pretty and tasted so good on your lips, but eventually got you killed. It wasn't as if he'd meant to be that way. Not as if he'd not always been this way.

Jesse Brooks was born in New York City to a single mother, one older sister and two too many mouths to feed on the miniscule payrate his mother earned. They'd been poor, borderline homeless in fact but they were happy, always happy. His sister had a boyfriend and got good grades. He was a good, if mischievous, baby. Already singing jingles from adverts. Minus the words of course.

When he reached the age of twelve he got lost after his first day at high school, wondering around the big city for ages until he saw bright lights ahead of him. Broadway. It glittered against the dark grey of the streets, pools of orange light from the streetlamps the shiniest thing he usually saw. They could hardly compare to the wonder of it all.

Wicked was the very first musical he ever saw, a friend had laughed at the fact that his mother had tried to get him to go, tossing them in the bin. He'd retrieved them carefully and told his mother he was going to Charlie's house as he watched the show. It was mesmerising and at that moment he knew what he was going to say next time the teacher asked them what they wanted to be when they were older. He wanted to be Fiyero.

From here his obsession only escalated, he started saving his pocket money, which wasn't much seeing as his mother was looking after a six year old, just so that he could see shows, any show, countless times he'd watch the same ones over and over again. Whenever he got a minute alone he'd sing the songs that he'd learnt off by heart, forgetting who he was and imagining himself as one of the glamorous stars of Broadway, with their smiles and their makeup.

When his mother found out she was angry. She tried to stop him watching them but he begged her to reconsider, every day he'd ask her until eventually she agreed to go and see a show with him. That's where she met Darren. An ex-actor who lived in Lima, too old to be the dashing young protagonist on the stage. But Jesse wasn't. From the day they moved in with him his life was changed, Darren determined to live out his dream through his younger son-in-law.

Jesse went to Carmel High, the home of Vocal Adrenaline. In seventh grade he had walked into auditions on his very first day, oozing with confidence from rigorous vocal and dancing classes. He rocked the audition and caught the eye of the coach, Shelby Corcoran.

That was when he really lost himself, at least with Darren he could control some things, Vocal Adrenaline took everything.

After that everything became a blur, a blur of practices, red bull, practices, showfaces, practices, dated and more practicing. You could never be too good in Vocal Adrenaline. And nobody else could be good enough, nobody else was him. They couldn't be the star that Jesse was, soon he was doing small concerts and gigs from people, earning money, getting gifts, his family were ecstatic. He was always the favourite. Everyone always loved him the most.

That must have been what drew him to Rachel Berry at first. Her stunning looks and magnificent voice obviously played some part in it but she was never quite his. Sure, she was smitten with him, most women that he met were, but there was always that Finn Hudson. He could see why most girls would fall for Finn, he played football, he was a leading man. But that was all he had going for him. His voice was mediocre and his dancing was appalling. He wasn't good enough for Rachel. Never would be.

He'd been close to having her properly when he'd had to end it. _Egg her._ He'd felt awful throughout it, not that he'd let them see that, the world's best actor. Then he'd left after a fourth consecutive title. University of California, Los Angeles. But he'd ruined that, truth was he'd been so used to having other people be in charge of his life when he'd been faced with all of the decisions he hadn't known what to do. He acted calm and in control but he wasn't, never had been.

Which brings us back to today. The day New Directions get second to Vocal Adrenaline at Nationals in New York, they were great, not as good without their star player but they were still great. New Directions were good, of course they were good, with Rachel Berry they could never be bad. But they hadn't listened to him. And he knew best.

He was the best at everything he tried. Right on top of the world.

But it's lonely at the top.


End file.
